This will be my last post for a while.  Thanks for reading. 

Don’t Fear The Reaper – Blue Oyster Cult

Everyday is a struggle
A push to make it through another 24 hours
Of arguements, conflicts, disappointments
Of feeling used, unappreciated, inadequate
invisible, abandoned, betrayed, confused, miserable, fake

I’m a bad actor and this play sucks
I’m finding it difficult to get along with anyone
Let alone myself. Even I disappoint me.

Why do I fight everyday to breathe in and out?
All that’s on the other end of that is one more day of angst and failure.
Why bother … what is the point of all of this?
Am I supposed to be getting stronger through trial?
Cause if that’s the case, someone did bad math.
When does the trial end and the rewards begin?

I’m one of the strongest people I know
But even superheroes have their weaknesses.
Achieles had his heel, Superman had his kryptonite,
Raysin has her heart.

I just want to go back to bed and cry all day — but no…
Varying entities demand that I pull myself up by my bootstraps
and force feed another day of accounting nightmares,
bills I can’t afford, children who are unruly, animals i can’t stand,
friends who don’t understand me or are too busy to notice,
family who thinks I’m being dramatic and need to snap out of it,
a counselor who’s doing no good whatsoever,
a physician who just wants her co-pay and doesn’t actually care.
This is not living, this is barely functioning. What a waste of time.

Who cares is the question of the day? Does anyone?
Is that why I’m so beat up; because I DO care and I live in a world where everyone else is out for themselves rather than caring for each other?
Has that finally gotten the best of me?
Maybe I just don’t care anymore.. maybe my caring ran out like everyone elses.

I’m grasping for hope here, and I find none.
Not in family, not in friends, not in work, not in ANYTHING.
Do you know what it’s like to LOOK for hope and come up empty handed?
What is the point of living without love?
I hate that the world is so broken.
I hate that the world is breaking me.
I can’t keep doing this, it’s just too much work for one person.
I don’t fear the reaper, I fear repeating this day
Over and over and over… I’m no Bill Murray.

“40,000 men and women everyday… Redefine happiness
Another 40,000 coming everyday…We can be like they are”